The Lost Foreigner

Hello there, beautiful. I thought I'd drop in here real quick and have a little pow-wow; Drag up the stool and scoot in a little closer to the point that my special-order bifocals bring you into the most perfect vision.

I've received many e-mails that were simply spectacular in my eyes; they were just fantastic. Most of you asked for a series of tips on how to land the eye of a sexy lady you don't even know. A stranger. Well I've got a real humdinger here, so sit back down because I saw you stand up a minute ago and pace around while I was just tryin' to sit here and talk to you man to man.

The "Lost Foreigner" is our simple Stage One Beginner's Technique. Dig the concept: You are a recently-immigrated foreigner that has yet to grasp even the most simplistic aspects of his new location's geography. You look left, you look right– But still, nothing familiar.

Enter: the lady.

She spots you, miffed by alien environs. She is intrigued by your musky man-scent combined with wither-my-heart innocence. You become her metaphor for a better life as she yearns to show you the way around town, possibly to the library. But best of all, you'll probably get to touch her bosom.

The country of origin is up to you, but make it a doozy! Here's my personal example for the slow crowd.

Yours as always and until next time,

- Cummerbund F. Mandango

محمود احمدی‌نژاد : A Handsome Devil!

While browsing the internet this week, I couldn't help but notice all the press about Mahmoud Ahmadinejad (the motherfucking president of Iran), and his letter to our great nation's leader. More interesting to me than some crazy letter from one crazy guy to another was the sight that you can behold here to your right: this gentleman has his act together!

I'll admit I was feeling lost in this era of bad guys wearing wierd robes, having big scary beards, toting AK's, and wearing camo vests. What ever happened to the dapper dictator? Well I'm here to tell you he's back, and he's breaking bread in Tehran. With a neatly trimmed beard and enough pomade to make George Clooney blush, this guy rules with a velvet fist!

Don't get the wrong idea though, he's no sissy. Mahmoud doesn't let women go to sporting events, and he even installed separate elevators for men in the capital (Dames: Who needs em!?!). His government is even threatening to disqualify soccer players if they look too girly!

A Handsome Guide to Leisure Time

A good-natured romp through the bungalows of Thailand, a soothing steam shower in the natural swamps of Madagascar, or a relaxing Punch cigar on top of the snowy white mountains of Peru; these are the retreats every leisurely gentlemen aspires to enjoy. But how does one determine leisure from work? One man may consider tending his sweet garden of rosemary and arugula a "day off" if you will, but another man might find this task to be the most taxing of them all. So how does one determine leisure from work?

Let's examine the arugula garden; ask yourself would an immigrant do this type of work? If you answered "yes" then you are correct thus making garden activities WORK and not leisure. How about lying on a hammock? Sure any lazy Spaniard would lie on his hammock, but he's never worked a day in his life so a refined gentlemen like yourself can damn well sure call lying in a hammock leisure. However let's be frank for just one moment, this is a rather boorish activity after all. A classy and sophisticated gentlemen like yourself should never be caught in a hammock or even a modern-day "moon bounce".

The goal is to live the life of a dandy and when I refer to dandism do not consider this an insult to your masculinity. Our culture would have you believe dandies are in essence big queers, but they are the original sophisticate (A.K.A an O.S) and practically invented our fun, refined and don't forget handsome leisure culture.